I wrote a lot until 2 years ago when my assigments gradually stacked up. And when I read my writings from that time, it feels sucks. Because all my writings is almost all about him – my ex. Well there’s quite a small portion of other guys too, hehe.
It’s like having a black and white motion picture playing inside my head. Started from having a good times and then coming to the bad things. I don’t regret it, i’m not upset nor sad. It’s just.. well.. sucks. Can anyone define what is the meaning of “sucks” here?
But it’s already the past, right? I won’t let myself drown in bad memories like that. They can remain in my head, but just for my spirit to be always better than the past.
Keeping a diary — whatever the medium is, book, blogs, journals, etc –is like having a double edged sword. After writing on it, I feel relaxed. But when someday you want to see it again, all the feelings that i feel that time came back. If the memories shall brings good feelings, it’s okay. But what if it’s not? What if it’s about something you want to forget? And of course there’s a risk if anyone sees it, because to write means to leave a trace, proof of a memories exists. So the question is, will it be better if we write about our life or not?
For me, to write is to express feelings since I’m not good at speaking. To write is also a means to achieve a satisfaction for my head. I could say that the sensation is maybe like when you have consumed drugs. Haha.. So I never care about what happened next when people suddenly read that or myself read that. I can’t answer my own question above, will it just be better if we kept the memories in our head, or kept it in words?