Recently, I was bombardized by marriage stories. I have 2 friends that decided to get married with their fiancee, one in two weeks – married two weeks later, one in three days – will be married next year. On the contrary, I have another 2 friends who cannot decide to get married with their partner although they are reaching their 30’s. Their reason is simple, “I just have not feel that he/she’s the one, my heart is not fixed yet.”
In Indonesia, getting married is a must for most people for several reasons. For Moslems, it is obliged to get married if you are quite of age, physically and mentally able to get married. Indonesian also has quite strong social pressure for getting married and having children – even widow and widower are still considered as “fail person in life – do not get close to them” in some ethnics and areas. In my opinion, marriage is a phase of life that you have to go through it whether you like it or not. Well, except that you can escape the social norms, then marriage could be an option for you.
Surely, to get married is not an easy thing to do especially these days. Finding a perfect partner would be hard, as you know. But even after you found someone, it does not mean you will promptly marry him/her. And that is 2 of my friend’s case. They are romantically involved with their partner but they are not just ready to say “YES, I WILL MARRY YOU!!”
After engagement, are still exposed to the risk that the engagement is cancelled. Well this is what happened to my friend’s friends for many reasons. Cheating or suddenly felt that he/she ain’t right after more time being together are the most frequent reasons that I know. I personally believed that broken engagement is more caused by personality shock during marriage preparation.
When you are dating, you and your partner are deciding on small things – where to eat, what to watch, when to meet, etc. But marriage preparation is something else. You really have to unite yours and your partner’s preference on one thing that will affect not only you, but your family, relatives, colleagues, acquaintances, etc… For example, deciding on invitation, that’s a small thing. Next thing you know, you will decide who will follow whom to live together and that’s a big decision especially if one of you has to leave something behind for a new life… You will be exposed to the real side of your partner, and for some people, would find it shocking.
But here’s the point: you don’t know what destiny awaits for you, you don’t know when, how and with whom you will be married to. I might have described the difficulties of getting married, but one of my friend has proved that marriage is easy once you’re set for it. Two weeks after their first meeting, they’re engaged. In another two weeks, they’re married. Well, this is life, full of colors. If there’s only one color in getting married, then I would not write this post 🙂
Anyway, I want to borrow Mike Rowe’s statement that he gave for interview in Oprah Winfrey Show about “Dirty Job” reality show to end this post.
“… I won’t say fearless because everybody’s scared of something—but they process risk differently. They live differently, and it’s fascinating.”